Today's....

>>Mood: Calm and content so far
>>Up(s): I may have some work hours for summer! Not alot but I'm happy with the little I can get.
>>Down(s): Money money money! Want it, need it!
>>Happening: Party at Leons nursery school later today.
>>Should do: Clean up the flat, eat, find my pin-code so I can log in to my school website.
>>Plans: Nothing I'm too tired to do anything today.
>>Song: The Strokes - 12:51
>>Person: The woman I talked to earlier that may be my saviour for this summer.

The day started as it usually does.
We woke up around 7.30 I made Leon breakfast that he ate during watching Tweenies on telly.
Then I went and dropped him off at the nursery and I took my morning walk as I always do.
I went back home and tried to open the builing door but couldn't get it to open.
To open the door you have to use a magnet key thing but it just didn't open and as I looked in I saw that all the lights were out.
Not much I could do about it so I went home to my mum's place for a while and thought that I'll get back later.
When I came to her place she said if I read the news online.
I didn't so I asked her what happened.
There's been a murder in the building next to hers the night before.
Two men living with eachother got into some kind of argument and one of them ended up dead with stab wounds.
The man called the police and turned him in himself.
Just one year ago another man got murded outside her house, her next door neighbour stabbed a man in the heart and he died immediately.
It's sad that these kind of things happen but in a way I understand that it does.
Most of the people living there are waiting for answer if they can stay in the country or not.
I don't justify it at all but when they put 4-5 people in one flat. With different cultures and religions there will be arguments.
But it's sad that it will go that far that people get murdered.

Anyway I went back home and there was a note on the front door saying they will cut the power from 9.30 to 12.
The first time I was there it was 10.30 and the note wasn't there.
I'm glad they inform you these kind of things in time
Maybe I should be happy it was just for a couple of hours beeing locked out from your own house isn't that fun really.

>>Bruce Springsteen - The River
>>Bruce Springsteen - My Hometown
>>David Bowie - Life On Mars
>>David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust
>>David Bowie - Rock n Roll Suicide
>>Joy Division - She's Lost Control
>>Joy Division - Atmosphere
>>Modest Mouse - Dashboard
>>Modest Mouse - Lives
>>The Strokes - Last Nite
>>The Strokes - Hard To Explain

Watched the Eurovision song contest yesterday.
How could that song win? There wasn't a song that got the highest scores that was worth it.
Ok maybe Turkey but I thought France would get higher scores than he got.
That was the only song in the final I really liked.
I have listened to it for weeks and it's a great song.
And Sweden...every year they say we are the favourite and then we end up in the bottom somewhere.
But I don't care I don't like the song and I don't like her.
Maybe they thought she was a transvestite
There's not a big difference really

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the empolyment agency.
I'm not looking forward to that cause I can predict he's not gonna be so happy with me.
I honestly think I have done what I can to get a job this summer but he's gonna have another opinion on that I'm sure.
He find me a job then!

Going to bed son, have to get up early tomorrow so I won't miss my appointment.
Tomorrow's another week. Another week of worries.
I sure live for the weekend!

The summer is back! Oh how I have missed the sun!
Have been out most of the day today and when it's sunny outside ice-cream is a must, so me and Leon sat out in the sunshine and enjoyed ourselves and our ice-creams.
Met a friend from school that I havn't met in a while she had alot to tell about old classmates of hers, always fun to hear some gossip

Tomorrow I'm seeing my bestfriend Linnea. Havn't seen her since october as she lives pretty far from here.
But now finally we get the chance to catch up.

Yesterday I watched the second semi-final of the ESC.
Sweden made it to the final! Yaaaay!
Don't like the song that much but I have to support my country.
And Charlotte is Leon's favourite so I guess I have to cheer for her tomorrow.
I also like France and Turkey.
Sebastien Tellier's song I've heard alot on the radio and I like it alot. A great summer tune.
Turkey sounded a little like MUSE...but in turkish ofcourse
So I hope one of them will win. Don't think so though.

My sister told me a really sad thing yesterday.
A friend of hers knew this woman through friends of her family.
I know who she is cause she has been on tv a couple of years ago in a documentary along with two other women.
As single moms they all adopted their daughters from China and a film team followed them from when they got the pictures of their daughters, when they went to China to bring the girls back to Sweden and until the girls were a couple of years old.
Now one of these women have died.
She died in her home and they didn't find her until after a couple of days.
And the sadest thing about this is that her daughter had been in the flat with her dead mom all these days
It makes me cry just to think about that poor little girl.
Can't imagine how she must feel not knowing what was wrong with her mommy and not knowing what to do.
So helpless

I hope she will be alright eventually, but oh so sad!

Found an old Mp3-player of mine today loaded with music.
Most of the music I don't listen to that much anymore.
So today's playlist are songs from there and the theme for today is hiphop/reggae/soul.
Used to listen to that alot back in the days nowadays, not that much.
But today is an exception.

>>Brother Ali - When the beat comes in
>>Common feat. John Legend & Kanye West - Go
>>Dj Embee feat. Looptroop - Embee for president
>>Gentleman - Superior
>>John Legend - Stereo
>>Looptroop - Last song
>>Masta Ace - Da grind
>>Matisyahu - Jerusalem
>>Max Peezay feat. Ears & Radioclit - Emergency
>>Paperboys - Wiggle it
>>Promoe - These walls don't lie
>>Saïan supa crew - X Raisons
>>Sls - Get back
>>Talib Kweli - Beautiful struggle
>>The Roots - Don't say nuthin'

I just hate mondays it's only on mondays you wish you could sleep atleast one hour longer.
The lack of sleep from the weekend is starting to show.
I'm walking around like a zombie today and I realise I shouldn't have stayed up that late yesterday.

Tomorrow I get some money in my account again but they won't stay there for long have some bills I have to pay so I have to wait another week until I get the rest of my money
Luckily I have the best sister in the world that's gonna lend me some money. I hate beeing poor!

Just keep on smiling

Leon got a new film on the post today - Bee Movie.
I guess I forgot to cancel the order so surprisingly it droped into the mailbox today.
We were supposted to watch it together but Leon gave in after about 20 minutes and found something funnier to do
So I had to watch the whole movie by myself.
I liked it though I'm not so much into cartoons it was funnier when I was a kid and now I get bored watching cartoons.
But this one I liked very much.
I can understand why Leon didn't think so cause it's made for older children (and adults ) he laughed when I laughed but he didn't get the humour.
Tweenies is more of his thing that's his favourite he watches it every morning before he goes to nursery school.
And if he for some reason misses it he lets me know. Big time!

Yesterday Leon was a sweetheart all day long.
Today he has behaved so far. But the day is not over yet
This weekend he is going to stay with his dad. Or so is the plan.

I kinda have plans for the weekend too...I think.
I'm still a bit uncertain.
Tell you guys why when I made my decision.

Got an e-mail from the employment agency today saying my contact person was on holiday and will be back on monday. Great!
Got a few tips though on where I could turn and check if they still needed staff for the summer so I will definitely do that and hope for the best.

>>Arctic Monkeys - A certain romance
>>Babyshambles - Loyalty song
>>The Clash - Career opportunities
>>The Clash - Clampdown
>>The Honorary Title - Bridge and tunnel
>>Joy Division - Love will tear us apart
>>Kings Of Leon - Fans
>>The Libertines - Death on the stairs
>>The Libertines - The Delaney
>>The Magic Numbers - Take a chance
>>New Order - Age of consent
>>New Order - Here to stay
>>The Who - Teenage Wasteland

Yesterday was not a good day for me in many ways.
The main reason was Leon.
He drove me crazy yesterday he has this phase right now where he doesn't listen to me at all.
And he do the opposite of what I tell him.
I know he is trying to test my boundaries and it's only temporary but still I really struggle with it.
Sunday he went too far. We were leaving this store and he turned around and looked at me and had this smirk on his face like "just watch me" and he ran away out on the parking-place and two cars had to hit their breaks.
I got so scared! And when I told him what could have happened he just laughed and thought it was funny.
He has this t-shirt saying "I'm going my own way" and that's so true!
He's like a little devil
Anyway I know it's just a phase and I know it will pass but it's making me crazy!

I feel alot better today my cold is almost gone, yaaay!!
I managed to send my contact at the employment agency an email today also.
Just a week later that I was planning to but that's just me always postponing stuff.
But now it's done and I hope he's not too angry at me.

And the sun is back! Yesterday was all grey and cold I guess my mood follows the weather.
But today I'm happy

>>Band Of Horses - Our Swords
>>Band Of Horses - Cigarettes, Wedding bands
>>Band Of Horses - The Funeral
>>Band Of Horses - No one's gonna love you
>>Cajun Dance Party - The hill, the view, the lights
>>Cajun Dance Party - Buttercups
>>Fionn Regan - The Cowshed
>>Fionn Regan - Be good or be gone
>>Fionn Regan - Put a penny in the slot
>>Maria Mena - Sleep to dream
>>Maria Mena - My Lullaby
>>Maria Mena - Monday Morning

This weekend has been like hell.
Thursday I started to feel pretty bad and thought it was my allergy that started to kick in.
But friday morning I woke up with hight fever and I felt really weird I had like hallucinations when I first woke up, really scary.
Saturday I felt pretty good I was even outside for a while though I couldn't stand the heath.
Having a cold and summer heath is not a good combination.
Yesterday me and Leon went to the park we played football and played some mini-golf as my mum "works" there sundays.
We had a great time!
But as the evening came I started to feel bad again and the fever came back and I had a really sore throat.
The night was dreadful tha pain was so bad and I don't think I fell asleep until 4-5 or something and then I had to get up again at 7.30.
Today my throat is better but I still got a fever not that high though.
But I'm tired!

And if that wasn't bad enough Leon has been a handfull today.
First he didn't want to get dressed and we were in a hurry cause he had to be at nursery at 9.
Luckily we got there in time but then round two started he got a outburst as soon as we came in.
The other children was preparing to go to the woods and he just didn't wanna go.
He was screaming, kicking all you can imagine and I was on the edge to have a nervous breakdown right there.
I had to leave him there crying after me as I left.
Didn't feel good at all but I couldn't give in a take him with me cause then he had won.
I hope he is atleast a bit happier when I'm coming to pick him up later.

I'm gonna try to sleep an hour or two now.
I have thousands of things I need to do but I just havn't got the energy for that today.
Hopefully I'm feeling better tomorrow. You can only hope.

I just finished watching the swedish version of The moment of truth.
I find that show really fascinating I could never take part in something like that.
And some people may think twice before they agree to participate.
Last week there was this guy there. He was such an idiot!
He had his girlfriend in the panel and I felt so bad for her.
He got questions like:
Do you prefer blondes over brunettes? (his girlfriend was a brunette)
His answer: Yes.
Do you think your friends have more attractive girlfriends than yours?
His answer: Yes.
Do you want your girlfriend to get silicon boobs? His answer: Yes
Have you ever stolen money from your girlfriend to gamble? His answer: Yes.
And the worst of them all: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend? His answer: Yes!
He must have know that this should come up. How could he let his girlfriend go through this on national tv!
AND they celebrated their fifth anniversary just that day!
As you may have figured out they are not a couple anymore.

Today there was this other guy. Oh I feel so sorry for him haha!
He had his mum there an basically all the questions were sex related.
The funniset one was:
Have you ever photographed yourself while having sex?
He said yes.
The host of the show then turned to his mum and asked her:
"Has he always been interested in taking photos?"
The mum: "No I can't say he has it must be something he started with recently"
I find that sooo funny!!!

How lovely hasn't it been today?
It's summer heath outside and I'm loving it!
Spent most of the day outside today, ofcourse.
After I picked up Leon at nursery we went back home to get his bicycle and we went for a long stroll.
I'm just filled with happiness today.
I know I have some issues I have to take care of but today I just forgot about them and just focused on all the positive things.

I wish every day could be like this!

Directions:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the questions.
4. NO CHEATING! Or you're no fun.

1) How am I feeling today?
Naive - The Kooks

2) Where will I get married?
We used to vacation - Cold war kids

3) What is my best friend's theme song?
Give a little love - Rilo Kiley

4) What is/was highschool like?
Time for heroes - The Libertines

5) What is the best thing about me?
Ocean spray - Manic street preachers

6) How is today going to be?
Leave before the lights come on - Arctic Monkeys

7) What is your current mood?
Fuck Forever - Babyshambles

8) Describe my parents?
Nothing in my way - Keane

9) How is my life going?
Put a penny in the slot - Fionn Regan

10) What song will they play at my funeral?
The Penalty - Beirut

11) How does the world seem to me?
Won't be long - The Hives

12) What do my friends really think of me?
This Fire - Franz Ferdinand

13) Do people secretly like me?
Divine - Sebastien Tellier

14) How can I make myself happy?
Can't stand me now - The Libertines

15) What should I do with my life?
Rehab (Amy Winehouse cover) - Paolo Nutini

16) What am I really?
Aggro - The Enemy

17) What is some good advice?
Kill the director - The Wombats

18) What is life about?
Straight to hell - The Clash

19) Am I in love?
Turn on me - The Shins

20) What type of men/women do you like?
A punk - Vampire weekend

21) Will you get married?
Ask the DJ - Mr Hudson & The Library

22) What should I do with my love life?
What a waster (Libertines cover) - Adam Green

23) Where will you live?
I like what you say - Nada surf

24) Words to live by?
Here to stay - New Order

25) How will my love life be?
Here it goes again - Ok Go

26) How will life be in 10 years?
Old new bridges - The Domus

27) What was my childhood like?
Is there a ghost - Band of Horses

28) How well did I do in school?
Somewhere else - Razorlight

29) How do I feel about my friends?
Lost in the supermarket - The Clash

30) What do I think about love?
Tonight I have to leave it - Shout out louds

My sons hair grows very fast. I want to keep it pretty short now when the summer is coming as he get's very warm.
So yesterday I was cutting it and as I was about to cut he reached for something and I slipped with the scissor I got terrified when I saw a bald spot upon his head!
I tried to fix it but it just looked...how shall I put it, not good!
I didn't have any other option than to cut it all off.
I cried inside when I looked at his bald little head I wanted it short but not THAT short.
I'm starting to get used to it now and it doesn't look bad don't get me wrong but I'm not used to see him with no hair.
He just got a few millimetres of hair now.
The positive thing is that it grows back again I guess
We were out playing earlier and his father was standing on his balcony he pointed at Leon and made a gesture if I shaved his head.
Well I didn't shave it but it pretty much looks shaved.
Then he just laughed, I know he wanted to shave his head before but I wouldn't let him.
No I did it. I can see what's funny now

You know summer is soon coming when my neighbours start their barbeques.
They gather all their friends and family and have a barbeque on the lawn outside our house.
It's not an ordinary barbeque though. They don't grill hamburgers and hot dogs and that stuff. No they go all the way, they are grilling a whole lamb! Not kidding!
Just outside my window it's funny to see really.
I'm not sure they are allowed but they seems to have a great time together.
Having their car parked just next to them that's pumping loud music, the kids are running around playing with eachother.
So nice to see
I guess most swedes would find this particular barbeque as horrifying.
I don't live in a typical swedish neighbourhood here's a mix of swedes and people from different countries and cultures.
But I find it charming in a way.
In a way I wish I had that.
A big family that got together and spent time togehter.
Sadly my family is me, my son, my mum and my sister and that's basicly it.
I could miss having a big family sometimes.
But on the other hand I've heard horror stories about family gatherings.
And with that in mind I'm glad I don't.

Ok, so it wont be any more misunderstandings I just want to clear a few things out.
I got a PM from someone saying I was a bad mum cause I am
as the person put it "Introducing music by a drug-addict to my son".
First of all I havn't introduced anything.
Yes I listen to both Babyshambles and The Libertines.
Just because Pete does drugs doesn't mean I think it's ok in any way.
I'm against drugs never tried any and never will.
But that doesn't mean that I can't listen to his music, and I do simply cause I like it.
You don't have to share a lifestyle to listen to someones music belive it or not.
And my son has heard his songs and recognizes some of them because I play them alot and he is really interested in music he knows a song after hearing it once.
But he doesn't know anything about Pete he has seen pics of him on the cd covers but he doesn't know anything about Pete's lifestyle and I won't tell him either.
My son is 3 yrs old. Come on! He doesn't need to know stuff like that!
Also he doesn't know much english, just a few words so he doesn't understand the lyrics either.
I can't see why I'm a bad mum just because I like a certain music style or band?
For Christmas he wished for a guitar so he could play guitar just like Pete.
He didn't ask for a syringe! THEN you have had a reason to be concerned!
I can't understand why some people have the need to interfere in other peoples lives like that?
If you think I'm a bad mum for something you read on my blog you are stupid you don't know me I have been taking care of my son alone since the day he was born, there are days that are tough I have to admit but I have made it pretty damn good so far I have to say.
So really you can think whatever you want.
I try to keep my son away from all the bad things I can.
But I will never keep him away from music, never.

Oh I'm tired today. Got back home yesterday at 10.30.
Then att 11 they aired a concert with Babyshambles that I had to stay up and watch.
Seen it before but you can never get enough of Babyshambles.
Then I tried to sleep but I didn't fall asleep until 3.
Tonight I am going to bed early!

Just picked up my son we stayed out and played a while, it's so nice weather today.
In two hours we are taking the bus into town.
Leon is going to meet his big idol at the moment, Charlotte Perrelli.
He has a pretty mixed bunch of idols, Charlotte, Mika and Pete Doherty.
The last one may not be the best rolemodel haha but I guess he have come to like him cause I play his music all the time.
Anyway Charlotte is the one who is competing for Sweden in the Eurovision song contest.
She is coming here to perform and sign her new cd.
He just loves her haha! I don't.
Not my kind of music at all but Leon likes her so I guess I can stand a couple of minutes of her singing.
After that we are going home to my mums place and I guess we are staying there until tonight sometime.

Hope you guys have a great saturday!